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vaalski

July 2012

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Jan. 13th, 2011

vaalski: (Default)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession



1. I tend to be a bit of a contradiction in terms. I can't stand inflexiblity, but I can be brutally, piggishly stubborn. I expect people to change but I tend to be stuck in my ways. I love very fiercely, but I hate very fiercely too. I will use arguing tactics against people and then turn on them when they're used against me. I already know these things about myself. Telling me about them and expecting me to feel guilt or apologize just won't work.

2. Perhaps eight times out of ten I won't apologize about things unless I feel like I was actually wrong. This makes me very, very good at my job, which involves being extremely firm with doctors who believe they are never wrong about anything, ever. They want me to take responsibility for their mistakes, and that's something I Do Not Do. I think it's part of why I was hired, actually. However, this occasionally makes people think I am a twat. Oh well.

3. I know very quickly when I'm going to trust someone. Usually I am not incorrect, although I've had exceptions to this. My closest friends--for example Meg, Melissa, Toby, Sarah, Jim, Caroline, and Victoria--are all people I instantaneously put my trust and faith in. I make this decision fast and it's hard to explain.

4. I am the most awesome and the best. My self confidence is appalling. I haven't always been quite so horrifyingly sure of my own self-worth, but I'm pretty sure that's what was at the bottom of being able to pull out of the unhappiness after Cris, and my general good mental health. I know I deserve good things. I deserve to be happy. If people think I'm worthless, I know they're wrong. Not think--I know. (As some of you may have noticed, my only blind spot to this tends to be with occasional significant others or exes, and my mother. When someone really, really knows me, they know what buttons to push. But even then, I am always back up on my feet pretty fast. Because I'm fucking awesome.)

5. I have a borderline phobia of washing dishes. I arch my body away from the sink and every muscle gets tense and it stresses me out enormously. But I have to do it.

6. I prefer my pizza plain, my hamburgers and hotdogs ketchup-less, and my pasta without sauce (but with plenty of butter and cheese). However, I love horseradish sauce and relish and onions on everything. I don't get it either. There are certain tastes I'm just fussy about having the same all the time.

7. I really don't like showers. They feel like a waste of time, I hate getting wet and then taking for-fucking-ever to dry off and get my hair dry, you have to take them like, every other day and how boring is that, and washing my hair is a pain, and I could be USING THOSE FIFTEEN MINUTES BETTER, DAMMIT. Jim (my boy) thinks I am insane. Toby thinks I am insane. In fact I suspect most people are a little baffled by this one. 

8. I'm awful at lists. All lists.

9. I talk to an incorporeal hyena named Sagolin, a genderqueer lady named Ruth who lives in my head, and an invisible Utahraptor named Red. I do this in a sane, calm, regular manner, like you'd talk to your friend on the street. Occasionally I talk to them out loud, but mostly it's inside the confines of my own mind. I speak primarily in color and feelings and emotion with Sagolin, in plain English with Ruth, and in the common velociraptor dialect, mixed with some larger (mega- and utah-) raptor vocabulary to Red. This is a thing I have always done and will probably always do, albeit with different entities each time.
 
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