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July 2012


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Jan. 12th, 2011

vaalski: (Default)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot.
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

1. It frightens me sometimes how much I love you, and I sometimes almost give in to the desire to take a giant step backwards and pretend none of this is happening. I don't know what my future will look like, but I want you in it. Sleeping against your back makes me never want to sleep alone again, holding your hand on the street makes me meet everyone else's eyes a little squarer and say in my head, This is my boy and y'all are just jealous. Think about what you wanted--think about what could be--think about how I love you!--Say you'll move in with me. (And soon you will, and I am crazy with the joy of it.) 

2. I'm not in love but I love you. I think it's weird and sort of sad that a lot of people think there's only two kinds of love - romantic and familial -  in the world. I love that you can make my eyeballs hurt with time paradoxes in children's movies, that I can sleep with you (and sleep with you ;D) and it's nothing more than two friends become lovers for a little time, and then returning to friendship. I'm okay with that. 

3. I can't stand you and I don't know how they do either. Grow the fuck up.

4. You are nowhere near good enough for him. 

5. She isn't good enough for you, but if you're happy and healthy in mind and body and soul, I will support you every step of the way, I will go to your wedding and dandle your children on my knee and love you right straight through. But please be sure. 


7. I miss you more than I expected to :/ I liked living with you, I liked sharing my children's books and just sitting together in the quiet, without any tension in the air to push speech, without any need for concern that I should be saying something. I had to learn that quiet. I miss it.

8. You'd think I would have gotten used to the 2000 miles between us by now, but it hurts just as much today as it did the day you left.

9. Ten years ago last Saturday we met at horse judging. I am not free of you yet, but the hold you have on my life and psyche is weakening and soon I will break it forever. I will put you aside! As I should have put you aside a score of seasons past. 

10. I loved dating you. But I'm glad we broke up, and I'm glad we're still friends. 
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